No I Don't Dive.

I don't dive.
I'm not a fan of divers.
They aren't fucking gymnasts.

If I knew that I would hear "So...are you a diver?" About 5 times a day (seriously.) I would have never put them there.
"No."
"So what do they mean then?"

Oh...pull up a chair...let's have a personal chat shall we? Just because everyone and their goddamn dog on Miami Ink decides to let us in on the genius reasoning of their tattoo...doesn't mean you're free to ask me about mine. They aren't about my grandfather's time in the war. The don't represent resilience, strength or serenity. Don't fucking worry about it.

Although someone once thought they were Russian ballet dancers and that actually made my day so good I cursed myself for not having thought of it myself.

I'm straying. The point is I'm not a diver, it's has NOTHING to do with diving and no, I won't be going into what it has to do with.

However I am taking suggestions for comebacks. The best we've come up with is:

"Yeah, an Olympic diver actually."

"No, my parents died in a diving accent." - . . .

"First tattoo I found on the net."

"I don't actually remember getting those..."

Tits.