Burn After Reading.

Written September 23, 2008

I don't have a complaint about the movie. Obviously, the movie was good. Boys and girls alike have a hard on for Malkovich. Although, his mouth is going kinda funny... age? I dunno. Frances Macdormand, love. Brad Pitt and George Clooney were pretty funny. But we can always bank on the Rat Pack v2.0, right?
The formula works, Coen Brothers plus decent cast = pretty much the best you can expect from American Cinema.

And that's what I came to talk about. Alright, so here you are, going to the movies.
You get all geared up... thinking about the popcorn, the little fuckin' magazine you pick up. Maybe you'll get an answer right on their crappy trivia. Figure out the face before the 10 seconds is up. Whatever. You're excited. A little, you know you are.

You're waiting for the best part, the movie - no. The Previews. Yes.
Honestly, I need to know how much more action FBI/CIA crap can the universe withstand before it implodes on itself? Who is watching this? It's the equivalent of Big Momma's House for white people. It's insulting. Next.

Some fucking end of the world shite with Julianne Moore. Everyone's blind. The world is ending. End. of. Story. Again, insulted.

Shouldn't she be insulted? Wasn't her last movie a weak plotted end of the world (non)fear inducing piece of shit? Who is watching this crap? Why is there ALWAYS a scene of people standing in the middle of a desolate, yet major city street!? How many times can I see empty London or empty New York regurgitated at me again and again and again. I get it. I'm terrified.

Like you don't feel a little bit cheated? You must. You must realize this shit is sending us on a straight path to double speak '1984' style. The bastards are you getting you down while you watch movies about the bastards getting you down. It's uncanny, really.

It's clear to me though, on a whole, we don't get it. It's like when I started laughing my ass off at a Lord of The Rings movie. Trust me - never will a room of 100 people turn on you and hate you more than when you insult their movie genre. Sam and Frodo pillow fight - I thought it was funny. I thought we were all gonna laugh.

It's not funny though, it's sad. I bust myself to give you 20 bucks for 2 hours in a chair that hurts my ass only to see the same shit I saw last year. And the year before. Let's try harder, no? I mean the world is ending, at the very least couldn't we go down on a good script?

Open your eyes. Burn After Reading? Flush after watching.